Is God’s Timing Perfect?
(Before I begin, I feel the need to preface this article by asking the reader to please hold the cliches. I have heard them all before and I have said them probably just as much. These next few thoughts are coming at a moment of transparent vulnerability based on how I have been feeling, but not necessarily what I may or may not know to be true. My hope is that those who feel the same way might find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in uncertainty and for those who do not find themselves with similar feelings to maybe understand the mind of someone in desperate waiting. Also, the frustration during waiting can apply to much more than just pastoral calling; i.e. a relationship, job offers, finances, children, etc.)
I am a twenty three year old college graduate, working at a church as a two year resident, being berated weekly with the same question (or something very similar): “what do you want to do with your life?” With a blank stare, I remember my call to the Ministry, reminiscing in that split second about how vague the calling really was. For those of you unfamiliar, I was not called to missions, or youth; worship or a senior pastor position. I was just called. And for those of you who are also unfamiliar with pastoral callings, to label them unique would be an understatement. In short, I do not get to choose what I do; I just better not choose not to do it. Running from God’s calling has never proven successful.
However, I say this to say that, because I do not get to choose which direction I take, or a specific path to travel, I pray instead. And for someone who consistently claims to hear the voice of God on His life in a daily interaction with the Holy Spirit, whenever I pray for direction, I hear nothing. Or maybe even worse in some cases, I hear “wait.”
But before I mislead you, God has been the guy to get me to where I am now, never failing to direct me when the time is right, but it is still frustrating to not know where I will be even two years from now or what I will be doing.
In essence, I am having a patience problem that I cannot rationalize away any longer. I keep trying to say that “God’s timing is perfect” and I wish that I truly believed that because it might temporarily alleviate some of this frustration so I can focus on things about which I am passionate Instead, I continue to grow more weary every time I see my ministerial peers recognizing their callings and passions but all that I know is that I am called to do something somewhere sometime.
Right now, you are probably thinking “well isn’t that assurance enough?” Yeah, I used to think that too until I started living it. At this time in my life, I do my best to keep myself busy, take notes, and observe, but I do so blindly because I am not even too sure that, two years from now, any of this will matter. What is this all for?
This is my version of patience, I guess. I am just trying to do my best to learn and grow where I am, developing a skill set and unearthing passions until I am called to somewhere or something else.
In my honest opinion, I have no idea why God led me here; my guess is that somewhere down the line, my experience here will aid me in accomplishing a different task or job (but in my opinion, it would not hurt to let me know where I will be or what I will be doing).
But looking through a different lens, I feel as though God has to leverage my frustration with the outcome of what might happen if He were to answer my prayers now; maybe that answer would do more harm than good at this point. Maybe motivation is the skill that needs to be developed this time. For instance, while I am here, maybe I should stop treading water and actually try (and potentially fail). But what happens if I succeed? No one can know until I take a risk. I guess that that is the beauty of patience, the freedom to choose your short term fate. Is God going to find me on the couch or on my feet? Both are adequate forms of waiting but only one has the potential for positive impact.
I think that we as Christians in general need to be done with the whole idea that God either loves us and speaks to us or hates us in silence. I still feel His presence on my life, and I can no doubt see Him in others, but maybe His radio silence on this issue just means that whatever I am doing here needs my full attention and that He has already fully equipped me with the tools necessary to get the job done (and to do it well). God made no mistake by putting you where you are right now, neither did He forget to tell you what is next. As long as I wait in frustration, God is unable to see my potential. Why would He try to harvest fruit off of a dead tree?
Make today count and let God worry about tomorrow.
Thoughts? Place them down below.
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